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On the other hand, somebody who is able to maintain a cordial – if not friendly – relationship with his exes is generally someone who is able to handle the complexities of a serious relationship, who has a handle on his emotions and is able to, if not forget, at least forgive the wounds and errors that are part and parcel of romantic entanglement.
Now, in fairness, there will always be break-ups where the pain is too great or the betrayal too unforgivable or the relationship too toxic for you to remain even in casual contact with your ex and you will be well rid of them.
By dwelling on your ex, you’ve locked the quantum state of your relationship. The next key to a drama-free relationship with your ex – whether you become close friends or are just able to not flee the room when you see her – is to honestly assess what led to the end of the relationship.
After all, the biggest common denomenator in all of your relationships is you.
People are often surprised when I tell them that I’m friends with a large number of my exes.
In fact, I hang out with several of them on a regular basis. Researchers at the University of Michigan have found that break-ups activate the same parts of the brain that feel physical pain.
Because quite frankly, the anger and the bitterness that comes from a break-up? All it’s doing is burning a pit in your gut and making you take time away from your recovery period when you could be doing more productive things like actually working on your life instead of plotting elaborate revenge fantasies.
I’m not saying you have to pretend that it doesn’t hurt or that you’re not angry and upset, far from it.
In fact, it’s possible that your ex could be an incredible friend.